incantations

the sounds of color
the taste of shapes
fitting, touching,
leaving space
to reverberate
the incanted rose, peach, red orange.

hunger teacher
joy opener
i'm in heaven
ticking God's accounts
at Safeway.
pleasure seekers find what they seek
everywhere
everyday.

only open to that first morning breath
and it begins again…

courageous mother
cauldron keeper
eternal weaver
riding the night into the moon
endless pearls falling from the broken mala,
past devotions become present wonder,
pulsing
strong.




prompted by a poem honoring anne sexton by erica jong and the rest of my life.

all-y all-y in come free

in relation to the creative force that lives in me
is this fear or excitement ?

no rush no rush
right on time

being in relation to this creative force
pushes all my buttons
and puts me in my place
a place where awe and responsibility
invite me in.

noch einmal treffe ich diese Ehrfurcht
ich sage Ja.
Ich werde diese Faden folgen.

I will follow this thread 
all the way.
It is absurd to think I have a choice in the matter.
I deny this and live half a life
or I say yes
and live fully
in creative relationship
to what ever draws me 
in or out.

I like staying home on rainy days
with plenty to do,
calling out to all the trees,
all-y all-y in come free.

effort and right effort

the attempt to create
creates exhaustion.

today I drew from the model again.
I brought an idea with me
which invited judgement
and comparing.

what I wanted to draw 
and what I drew 
were two different things,
and the split created exhaustion.

Last week, fresh from silent retreat
I just drew.
There is a big difference in the two kinds of activity.

One is receptive, the other active.
When I ponder what I have done in my life in terms of painting and living
the most successful
meaning enjoyable and full of learning
were done receptively.
the action was supported by a listening within for the path the action would take.

The Feminine Nature has been active in me longer than I have been aware of.

unconditional commitment

The words of Claire Zammit reached me earlier this month. They activated a fire in me, and that fire brought me into relationship to that "creative tension that enables my full becoming."

This commitment to Love, to the life that I carry and that carries me, was confirmed each time I met the forces of the "not doing enough" voices in the last 21 days. They did their job of showing me where my commitment was shaky. 

The reality of what I live, moment by moment in trust, straightened my back as I leaned for support into the tree of life. 

It can no longer be denied, I know why I am here. 
 I will act on it 
 I will rest in it 
 I will dance it 
 I will paint it
 I will share it.

And I will be ferociously kind when I lose my buoyancy and miss the mark.

"Unconditional self-love has to do with a fundamental awareness of the inherit value of your being-- your very existence is enough to be worthy of partaking in the goodness of life and receiving love and support of the universe and others. However, there's an additional step that's necessary to complete the process of true self-love that many of us skip over- which is unconditional commitment to ourselves -- not just loving yourself for your inherent value, but standing for the potential of who you can become, which requires us to challenge and mentor ourselves through our growing edges and be honest with ourselves about where we're missing the mark. Self-Love creates the container. Ferocious commitment, the positive, creative tension that enables our full becoming."
Claire Zammit