she let go

Having let go is an unmistakeable feeling.
It is predicated on a choice.

I sense I will have many more opportunities 
to practice this freeing choice
all the way to the last moment
and then, as now,
the choice is to surrender.

Letting go sounds like surrender from this place I sit today,
it is an intelligent choice.








the frog prince(cess) 
pen and watercolor

Desire

She is desire itself
the force of life
to be
Her end point cannot be found
Her path is endless movement and becoming.

No sooner does she bud
she blossoms
the season ends
and another face appears.

To know her is to live as life and death
The coming and going
The giving and receiving
The winnowing and the shedding
The blossoming 
and the fruit.

daily life - the holy ordinary

This is what it looks like 

when there is nothing more to do 

than to do what I do, 

and nothing more to be than this, living.

No one has asked me to do anything differently,

So I watch eat pray love, have a wonderful meal and enjoy being here now.

That’s it.

Memory of being in Italy, voraciously

Memory of being in love

Memory of the challenge of his frustrations and moods.

What a quiet night,

Frogs alone now.

The Cicadas have hummed their own lives into silence.

naked ladies

“Your mind cannot know me.

You are beginning to get the sense of this.

It is only in the senses that you can know me.

Your senses are the very thread that carry the birthright to your lineage.”

I can’t wait till the day ends 

And the men leave their work.

Those naked ladies are waiting for me to join them in the garden!

They know I am one of them

Why else would they have called to me yesterday?

They are standing tall and naked, 

holding the fullness of their blossoming, 

so shamelessly,

for the sheer pleasure of it.

I sense it, too.

a giddy delight in the naturalness of this flowering

awakens in me.

walking under the Star of David

I woke this morning wanting to take a walk in the woods instead of following my usual Sunday routine.

My favorite walk is through the Shenandoah National Park up to a small cemetery, which holds the memories of families who once lived on the mountain, before the park was created.

I choose something on the way to hold the focus of what I am ready to release.

I smile, thinking I am always seemingly working on something!  And, yes, sometimes I just take a walk. The signals come whether I intend them to or not!

The rock I carried with me today was a small stone, with a white line in the middle, book marked on each side by three times the size of dark.

I had not taken this walk for many months.

I was ready to release a pattern I have allowed in my relationships, of not asking for what I need. I recognize the way I have given more and more and more in an unbalanced relationship or blamed myself for never giving enough. 

I could never put my finger on it until now, that joy - in relationship - is participatory. 
And it is fed with the truth.

So, I was ready to release this old pattern. 

As the Star of David forms in the skies, I am putting a lot of energy and intention into creating, receiving and sharing joy in my life with others. 

I had a good walk, putting my hands on the small spring that moves across the path. It was so cool. This coolness seemed to come from deep in the earth, it carried freshness into my body.

I ate wineberries along the way, my favorite wild summer berry.

I left the stone a top a grave ornament that stood in the sun, and walked the perimeter of the small graveyard.

I love the return walk to the base of the mountain, there is the feeling of release, of lightening and the gayatri mantra often accompanies me. 

Along the final section of the path I saw a heart rock. About the same size as the stone I took with me, the face of this one was full white, with a dark back. 

It felt like my desire's signal had been heard. 

Shiva and Parvati are dancing for joy.

                                                                                                                             

Stop in the namma Me!

       "All you need to do in this life is to live your own experience."

This is perhaps the most valuable advice I have ever received, from Maggie Tapert, when I was age 58 years old. It was even more pointed than "be yourself" which I received in my 20's, from the wise sculptor, William Calfee. 

Following Maggie's advice, because it rang so true, has given me the most challenging test of all, to literally turn the direction of my attention and attraction within, and let it release itself as my own experience. 

I watched myself leave me again and again and again almost to a point of no return.....

My very own life calls to me in a most direct way, inviting me into this ever evolving, emerging awakening of itself.

sweetly, a memory just arose.

my second son's voice when he was about 4 years old.

my sons had such a rich childhood ~

playing ferociously with abandon

from morning to night,

battling the dragons and warlords that lived in our midst, 

carousing with the thieves, saints and clowns.

I hear him now, 

saying with all his great might

"STOP! in the naymah me!"

yes, I am stopping in the name of me,

and listening

and keeping the doors open for the unknown

to reveal herself

through my life.

She, as the creative source of life, has no other choice. 

It is mine to make the choice to be here to greet her

and to live my experience.

mermaid's dive

resurfaced from the deep

jewelry is a sign of life

rebirthed

renewed

I did not return empty handed.

July 8 2013