Friday, June 21, 2013

Lilith


The stars are shining.
Tonight, I will sleep outside.
It will be my way to celebrate the sun
And the moon.

Last week I heard the connection
Really, I began yoga ages ago and never heard this...
Ha-tha
Sun moon
she said the neutral pole between these two is the starry sky.

Heart couldn’t help but be moved to Hathor, too.

The time line is becoming sensed
Internally
Some connections are felt from this point in time.

Yesterday
I met a teenage copperhead on the road
So bright and fresh.
Lachesis
Has given me the taste for the snake bite
So I don’t have to go right in there anymore to feel my boundaries.
having its poison in my blood now
Homeopathically
It works
To feel the poison run through me
Before I am in danger,
I recognize the vibration.

Today I spoke with my favorite astrologer about Lilith 
My chart blows her away 
with such awe
That it is infectious,
I really begin to love this strange one, too.

Lilith in her three stellar forms
is actively blessing and in conjunction within my planetary blueprint.
As she is in you, no doubt.

I love the Goddess.
Her myriad faces and expressions has made me know myself to be real, alive
And in her service, so she can be known through me.
We talked today about Lilith in her forms, in her formlessness
As the primal center of creation
Impersonal.

Not like Durga, who I call on for protection
Blazing in on her tiger,
The beast between her legs
The one she rides on
And that heart of hers, 
blasting untruth to smithereens ………..

But Lilith…….. 

She’s not one you call on,
But one you make room for.

Giving her space tonight
feeling beyond a face
Beyond a form.
She is as new to me as I am to myself.

I am her handmaiden.
I know this deep in my belly.
I remember her snakes in Greece
As my son napped on the bed beside me.

I don’t know the history, and I love that you do and share it here.

My home, born in the stars, is beyond the edge of the known universe
I come from far away.
The stranger
I am surrounded by home, 
the edges blur in this familiar kiss.

To distill this story into a pure gift is fun.

Ah, there is the german thing again.
Are there no Germans here ? !
Ich vermisse dich, wo bist du denn?

a Gift in english is the present, given in love, to show my love for or appreciation of you.
das Gift auf deutsch……….is poison.

Back to the copperhead,
On my return, I kept my eyes open,
having seen that truck go by,
I knew what I would most likely see. 


If snake lies in the road
They will go after her.

And there she was,
Hated,
Curled in a bow, 
Soft pink spilling onto the road
Her bright pattern still shining
And penetrating vibrantly to infinity.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

spilling yourself deeper into life



Process Painting, what is it?


for me it has been a spontaneous experience in paint,
zen-like in its flow,
dream-like in the way forms arise and change,
life-like as my interpretations take hold of a form, give it meaning and the river of color and water carries them along beyond my story.
it is fun, challenging, exciting to witness, a fascinating practice.
it is meditation in action.
It is a listening and a letting go, in paint.

What can it be for you?

smooth white paper   
smooth color
smooth brushes

letting the brush lead
your eye sees where it wants to go
to blue?    
to red?
to yellow?
to green?
to purple?
to that luscious magenta?

a dip in the water makes the brush ready to hold the color
the dance has begun before the brush touches the paper.
where will it touch first?
and how?

how thrilling
to allow yourself such freedom,
such courage to stand before the void!

creativity awakens and stretches,
thrilled to be called forth in such an open way, 
into such a safe space as you.

there is no right or wrong way to paint spontaneously
no goal is held.
as judgements arise, they too are seen 
and in giving space to what is, 
they let go of us.

this playful experience has a way of spilling us deeper into life.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

an invitation I couldn't resist any longer



That invitation,
she made it so easy, effortless.

What would that look like,
 when I am at one with myself?
As a woman, I would be at one with all my past experiences if I am at one with myself.
As a woman, I will be,

I am, she says.
I am
I am here. 

Would I even have words for this myself, 
this that they call spiritual awakening?
This seems to be all there is now, everywhere at all times.
There is a lucidity even on cloudy days.
Even as the stress rises and flows through my body,
There is lucidity.

The maiden and the mother have been brought along by this river of life.
The thickening, the widening in my body today shows the birth of the crone.

I want to write about spontaneous painting.
I really do

And there is such passion whirling around the etheric membranes,
My inner galaxy……
But
And 
And But, these are telling words on their own…..

I feel a steadiness, an awe, when I am painting spontaneously with tempera paint. With the soft brushes.
 I wanted them since two years, but the oil paint didn’t want them. 
The oil paint loves her knife. It is the knife that allows her to spontaneously paint with oil. 

That is the freedom I seek, and the path I see unfolding is with women, maybe someday men, painting from the heart. 
It is just so simple an offering, such an open, inviting portal.
A white piece of paper and color and water.

Start with a brush but who knows what will be called upon to express the inexpressible?

When I was 19
She saw white paper
She said don't marry that guy
She said hold on like a bulldog.

I am here to find words to describe spontaneous painting, process painting. 
Fred says it is Zen.
It is zen-like, so open, without judgement, such a flow, grasping nothing, no attachment, no held interpretations.
 It is prayer. Without a goal. More like gratitude.

My desire is pushing, lighting me through this mud.
I am the lotus.
Can I focus on anything but the light?
The light takes forms
And the forms vanish
Again and again.

The Sun is calling the Moon.
I am relieved,
Sense cannot be made.

This is how it goes, it looks a bit scattered.
Moving from here to there and back again and on again.
You certainly do not have to follow this breadcrumb trail.

Oh, I can do it better, put it in order, yes, I can do that, too.
I am just warming up again.
I told her I would show up.
She will bring me to focus, and bring the fire
that brings me to the gifts I want to share.
She just did.

Lucidity is so erotic.