not another sheet of paper!

ok,
I get it
I'm going to write from here, from my experience, because that's what I've got to work with.

I'm in process.
and loving it.
and hating it!

like this:
I began to paint myself about three weeks ago.
I needed to add another sheet of paper to give myself room to be a full standing figure.
Imagine that, life needs more space to show up!
22x40 just isn't enough, right now.


So, I began another.
and try as I might, to fit the painting onto a full sheet,
I needed more space, again.

I hate to have to keep adding paper to my paintings to give them the room they need!
I don't like folding them up to lay on the growing pile of finished paintings.
I'd rather have this all neat and tidy.

so, that's process painting.
and that's life.
I'm not in control.
I may not always like it, that's no longer the point.

In fact, I am beginning to develop an awareness that holds the whole, as the painting holds the whole; the doubt, the discomfort, the pleasure, the interest, the fascination, the judgement all have room to come, be felt and pass...

And did I mention I am learning kindness through this process?

like there is no tomorrow

a little thought trail

an inquiry woke up with me this morning
on the meaning of the phrase
"like there is no tomorrow"

i feel full
and saturated
with now

doing anything like there is no tomorrow
is doing anything
or simply
being,
fully
completely.

like a morning breeze
after it touches my morning skin,
we were all made for one another.

trust settles in me

so,
the invitation to write has arrived at my fingertips again.
i asked for support and this was what was shown to me.

you might think i've been doing this all along.
i am looking over my blog posts
and see
yes,
i have been writing,
expressing in a particular way that takes form in words.

now,
what if i wrote
with self discipline
as the listener,
as the student,
in cooperation with the voice that wants to express this life?

i'm sensing a yes
a consent,
to write
about this life.

i'm glad to have painted.
the silent speech of color
will show me the way
to write with devotion
to the pauses.

there is pleasure in this work,
that's the key.

as the words take form
i feel the weaving of the whole taking place, right here.
and i feel confidence
(momentarily)
or is it longing
to follow this thread all the way.........

trust settles in me.


tonight the taste of pesto
lingers in my mouth.
and the memory of his voice
passes like music
through my whole body.

nested like this

Busloads of children are arriving on the borders of the country I live in.

A wren’s nest
holds a few barely visible eggs
in the potted begonia on the porch.
They nestle in the cave she and he made
of moss and dry field grasses.

Deep inside the nest of myself
is a fullness
That holds the complexity of life.

Grace takes my mind aside
Enveloping it completely in her nest.

Home.
Like this.

Trusting the nest maker within.
To celebrate.
To care for.
To create and express.
To share in the wonder of all conditions.

Like this.

learning to crochet

Someone like me
Is really good for nothing.

If you understand this,
You might appreciate me all the more.

If you don’t,
You might believe me.

Looking at Trees

"The body is a sensing instrument of consciousness. Without the body and the mind, the trees couldn't see themselves.

Usually we think that we are looking at a tree, but the tree is looking at itself through us. Without this instrument, the tree doesn't get to see itself.
We are sensing instruments of the Divine."

from The Impact of Awakening
Adyashanti


Ma
pen and ink
BH

like a glove

You can’t know what it is…
until it takes your form.
then,
it will fit like a glove.