unconditional commitment

The words of Claire Zammit reached me earlier this month. They activated a fire in me, and that fire brought me into relationship to that "creative tension that enables my full becoming."

This commitment to Love, to the life that I carry and that carries me, was confirmed each time I met the forces of the "not doing enough" voices in the last 21 days. They did their job of showing me where my commitment was shaky. 

The reality of what I live, moment by moment in trust, straightened my back as I leaned for support into the tree of life. 

It can no longer be denied, I know why I am here. 
 I will act on it 
 I will rest in it 
 I will dance it 
 I will paint it
 I will share it.

And I will be ferociously kind when I lose my buoyancy and miss the mark.

"Unconditional self-love has to do with a fundamental awareness of the inherit value of your being-- your very existence is enough to be worthy of partaking in the goodness of life and receiving love and support of the universe and others. However, there's an additional step that's necessary to complete the process of true self-love that many of us skip over- which is unconditional commitment to ourselves -- not just loving yourself for your inherent value, but standing for the potential of who you can become, which requires us to challenge and mentor ourselves through our growing edges and be honest with ourselves about where we're missing the mark. Self-Love creates the container. Ferocious commitment, the positive, creative tension that enables our full becoming."
Claire Zammit

Framing the Immeasurable

I have been painting for years but never really noticed that intuition was leading the way and could indeed be fully given the reins until I saw that the paintings do just fine without me. I mean, of course I play a part but not as much as you might think.

But where this really gets challenging is when the framing begins. The panels are rarely square. And I love to float the panels to give the paintings some space.

Here I am today wrangling with a painting and a beautiful floater frame. I set the wood strips behind the painting just a bit too far from the edge and now I am in the "fix it the best way I can" mode. 

It is not my favorite part of the process because this measurement thing always shows up.

After all, the framing brings in the part of me that thinks I do have to do it perfectly; that is, that I have to find just the right fit. 

I wouldn't be writing this, ready to "publish" if I thought I had to do this perfectly. 

Today I practiced with compassion for myself, humor and loving kindness.

The voices were there egging me on but not as loud as they have been before. 

It might have had something to do with Her.

She is beautiful, regal, grounded as all get out. 

She embodies abundance.

That is how I feel her.

The frame will hold her. The spaces around her may be uneven. I may still hear the 'less than pro' voices wiggling my inner ear.

But "Zephyr's Lakshmi Harvest" will stand her ground and love me for my aptitude for the immeasurable.

How can one frame the immeasurable?

We always have the chance to find the door that opens rather than closes.  

It just takes some imagination and a kind eye.

blessed fruit

in that place again, 
of not knowing.

the awe I feel to be so near this open space
calls in the guardians 
like bees to flowers.

the more true it is,
the more this fruit is tasted
the more astounded and soft body feels
and oh, so vulnerable.

and the trust
(oh, Uli)
the trust
becomes the path

my feet run
like the gazelle
on the vast plains


what really knows this taste of honeyed fruit?
what ever it is
it will carry this body home.

tender and sure

tender and sure

love enters

and takes form

to be fulfilled

once again.

sure and tender

love leaves

to be fulfilled

once again.

In honor of all who have passed out of our sight, through all the possible changes here, on earth.

Always a dying and being born; change change change.

I am inspired again and again by Kathy Klein and her beautiful Danmalas. 

You can find more of her beautiful forms on facebook.

tax dance

onward into clarification

deepening the dance 
with gratitude for numbers and gifts. 

today, with the cape on,
my superpowers are lit.

leaning in

                                              
                                           

 leaning in

    to a deep listening,

         

  body

   is all ears.

a space for commitment

This is the space that the oak created while she stood 375 years in the woods behind our family home and near the cabin where I lived during my return to the sanity of myself. Recently, I have been remembering and appreciating those morning walks to the outhouse. Each morning I would read from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way Everyday looking out into the morning woods.

Today is March 26, 2013. 
I woke this morning and prayerfully asked for all my loved ones, including myself, to be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to them, may no problem come to them, may no difficulty come to them, may they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems and failures in life.

This morning I am listening to reconnect with my commitment. Reconnecting may take including a morning walk to my day, because it is in moving that I can listen most clearly and be set to right. In Nature my compass finds its true north.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (or creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of incidents and meetings and material assistance which no woman would have believed would have come her way."

W.H.Murray the scottish mountaineer
found in Julia Cameron's The Artist Way Everyday
(italics mine)

Many of my sisters and brothers who I admire have found their commitment, deeply.  I also begin to understand that there is a remembering that must take place to keep the path open for the new to move in me and to meet me from the world. 

I am committed to connection, even in my solitude. My remembering today has taken this written form, and will continue in the form of a morning walk into the woods, through the spring snow laden field. 

Thank you for your part in this remembering.